Shepherds Family Law | Taking a long view of parenting arrangements
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18 Jul Taking a long view of parenting arrangements

Posted at 07:51h in Post separation parenting by

Below is a link to a survey which might be useful for you.  The link is to an English survey of young adults who experienced parental separation in their childhood.  Their recollections are a useful guide for separating parents – and family lawyers and mediators – when considering what post separation arrangements work best for children. Mediation and family dispute resolution is a great way for parents to focus on long term goals for their children.

Here is a link to a short summary Taking a longer view of contact summary.
Here is the full study Full study.

The good news is that most of the subjects of the study felt their parents had done a very good job in organising their children’s contact arrangements following separation. 42% of the respondents to the study said there was nothing their parents could have done differently.  38% said that, if they were ever to be a separated parent, they would handle things pretty much as their parents had.  Over half rated their contact positively and 75% were, as adults, still in touch with their non-resident parent.

Some of the lessons learnt from the young adults reflecting on their separated families are:

  1. The pre-separation relationship between children and the non-resident parent is important to the quality and longevity of their post separation relationship.  The foundations of successful contact are laid down pre-separation.
  2. Parents need to prepare their children for separation, explain the reasons for it and to support their children through it.  In an Australian study, 25% of children reported no one talked to them about the separation, and only 5% said they were given a full explanation.
  3. For contact to be successful it needs to be continuous and reliable, but also be flexible to accommodate children’s needs and wishes, especially as they grow older.
  4. There is no blueprint for successful contact.  There is no single “one size fits all” arrangement.  Parents need to consider the particular needs of their own children. This can be difficult but is worth the effort.

Mediation helps separating parents make good joint decisions about the best ways to implement these lessons for the benefit of their children.

Matthew Shepherd
Mediator and Family Law Specialist